For a dear friend

This post is dedicated to my special silent reader, the one who patiently awaits my long-promised letter.
Far in distance, but near at heart.
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Assalamualaikum wbt

Dear friend,
The reason why this letter takes too long to be written is simply because i dont know what to say. Hehe. Not because we dont have things to share. Indeed, i believe that we have too much to talk about, but somehow it did not come out. Maybe people would laugh at us for not knowing how to blurt things out, but you know what? there are many things that other people dont seem to understand and be aware of, but i know you are one of those who understands me the most. :)

Today is a rainy day in Kuching. You see the grey layer of clouds? Beautiful, isn't it? If only u can see the rain drops. It's awesome. And the smell of rain..i love it. 

Do you know if our prophet sees dark clouds approaching, he would always look worried, for the fear of the same cloud that Prophet ‘Aad’s people had?

‘A’isha, the wife of the Apostle of Allah (may peace be upon him), reported: I never saw Allah’s Messenger (may peace be upon him) laugh to such an extent that I could see his uvula-whereas he used to smile only-and when he saw dark clouds or wind, (the signs of fear) were depicted on his face. I said: Messenger of Allah, I find people being happy when they see the dark cloud in the hope that it would bring rain, but I find that when you see that (the cloud) there is an anxiety on your face. He said: ‘A’isha, I am afraid that there may be a calamity in it, for a people was afflicted with wind, when the people saw the calamity they said:” It is a cloud which would give us rain” (Muslim)

But when it rained, he would be relieved.

Ata’ b. Rabah reported on the authority of ‘A’isha, the wife of the Apostle of Allah (way peace be upon him), who said: Whenever the wind was stormy, the Apostle of Allah (may peace be upon him) used to say:O Allah! I ask Thee for what is good in it, and the good which it contains, and the good of that which it was sent for. I seek refuge with Thee from what is evil in it, what evil it contains, and the evil of that what it was sent for;and when there was a thunder and lightning in the sky, his colour underwent a change, and he went out and in, backwards and forwards; and when the rain came, he felt relieved, and I noticed that (the sign of relief) on his face.(Muslim)

If only we could reach that level of taqwa :(

Dear friend,
Do you remember the yellow book that i gave u last time? The paragraph that i showed you, about how majority of the people would spend their life? Sadly, i have fallen into that group. And now i'm trying to pull myself away from it, but i'm still drowning, driven away and further away.This battle is causing me to be fatigue, and it is eating me, bit by bit, to the extent that i don't even believe in myself anymore. The frustration is depressing that i would rather be emotionally numb. It's not about high expectation. The trouble is, it is deteriorating. You have known me for years, and all my weaknesses that you know, they didn't improve at all.

But you do believe in me. You told me so. Yesterday. Last month. Last year. Last 2 years. You always have trust in me. And dear friend, I thank you for that.

I too, believe in you. Dont worry, Allah will make things easy for you. You know why? Because besides the things running inside your heart and mind, you are willing to swallow it just to please Him. And let me tell you this: you may think that you are coward, but actually u are the brave one :)
Correct? Never thought about it, huh?

Dear friend,
Whatever it is, we cannot give up.
We have no other choice but to go through whatever is ahead.
We cannot be ordinary.
And although you are going to leave me soon, remember me in your prayers.


I end this letter with this verse, for me and for you.

اعْلَمُواأَنَّمَا الْحَيَوةُ الدُّنْيَا لَعِبٌ وَلَهْوٌ وَزِينَةٌ وَتَفَاخُرٌ بَيْنَكُمْ وَتَكَاثُرٌ فِى الاٌّمْوَلِ وَالاٌّوْلْـدِ كَمَثَلِ غَيْثٍ أَعْجَبَ الْكُفَّارَ نَبَاتُهُ ثُمَّ يَهِيجُ فَتَرَاهُ مُصْفَرًّا ثُمَّ يَكُونُ حُطَامًا وَفِى الاٌّخِرَةِ عَذَابٌ شَدِيدٌ وَمَغْفِرَةٌ مِّنَ اللَّهِ وَرِضْوَنٌ وَمَا الْحَيَوةُ الدُّنْيَآ إِلاَّ مَتَـعُ الْغُرُورِ
“Know that the life of this world is only play and amusement, pomp and mutual boasting among you, and rivalry in respect of wealth and children, as the likeness of vegetation after rain, thereof the growth is pleasing to the tiller; afterwards it dries up and you see it turning yellow; then it becomes straw. But in the Hereafter (there is) a severe torment (for the disbelievers, evil-doers), and (there is) Forgiveness from Allah and (His) Good Pleasure (for the believers, good-doers), whereas the life of this world is only a deceiving enjoyment“. [57:20]

Yours,
Aishah