................

I thought it's like reading an old diary, as I dug into this blog and reread my old posts. I thought it's like, you feel surprised at how lame your thoughts were then,or how different you used to be, that you end up giggling and laughing at yourself.

But somehow, it's not funny at all. Although Poison Ivy sounds familiar to me, I cant find where she is. She is someone I used to know in and out, but somehow now she is unseen, so distant, or maybe she had actually. Died.

I hope she will reborn. Read more!

Spiritual void

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Hijabi

A mother-to-be had been sent down to the labour ward after the CTG showed some decelerations.
I had to ARM her fast, to see what the liqour colour was like. I sleeved up, grabbed the amniotic hook and ruptured the membrane.
"Aishah, this is the first time i get to see your elbow" cheong said, suddenly emerged out of nowhere. He knows it's part of the awrah, and he knows we are sensitive about it.
I froze, feeling like i was having a vaso-vagal attack.
"Oh no! now you have to marry him!Hahaha" Evelyn was laughing hard.
"I cannot have two wives," he smiled.
Sleeve down, i replied: "Next time dont make such statement, that's disturbing". And there's a sudden gush of feeling inside me, a feeling that only a muslim can understand.

Sometimes there are things that you just cant avoid. In NICU, conducting deliveries, and doing sterile procedures, we need to sleeve up to avoid contamination, reduce risk of cross infections, and avoid our sleeves being stained with blood and liqour. We had to do it when we had to do it, and I ask Allah His forgiveness for our shortcomings.
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For muslim women, working with male especially the non muslims is a challenge. We have to constantly remind ourselves our limitations and boundries, so that we will behave the way we should behave, and would be respected the way we should be respected. Most of them understand well. But some of them  naturally have some cracks in the head, unable to store informations in their long term memories the dos and don'ts in dealing with their muslim women counterparts.

"Dont touch!Dont touch.Dont touch.How many times do i have to tell you?You dont need to touch me just call my name"
"I dont touch your skin lah. Clothes only. You think you will get pregnant if i do this?" he laughed.
"Still,"
"Why i did this to Y*****,S****, they are ok with it?" quoting other muslim girls that seemed never being bothered. Wow, what an argument.
"We are...different" I dont know what else to say.
"Why different?"
I kept quiet. I shouldn't speak ill or pass my judgement on other people.

On the other occasions,
"Why do you have to cover up in our climate like this? This is from the Arab culture because they live in the desert, but you turn it to religion"
"Can you bathe in the swimming pool?"
"Your tudung wont prevent you from being raped"
"I see other women not wearing tudung, with skirt,i dont feel anything"
"What's the point of living if there is so many things you cannot do?"

Yes, we get questions and answers like that. But heads high, nah, we don't feel intimidated.

"And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that they should not display their beauty and ornaments except what [must ordinarily] appear thereof; that they should draw their veils over their bosoms and not display their beauty except to their husbands, their fathers, their husbands' fathers, their sons, their husbands' sons, their brothers or their brothers' sons, or their sisters' sons, or their women, or the slaves whom their right hands possess, or male servants free of physical needs, or small children; and that they should not strike their feet in order to draw attention to their hidden ornaments. And O you Believers! Turn all together towards Allah, that you may attain Bliss." (Qur'an 24:31)



I pray that Allah saves us from the evil of our desires, and soften our hearts. Read more!

The book of "Allah"

I went into the HO room, and drank a bit of water. Then i saw a stack of small blue books beside the bed. Out of curiosity, i grabbed one of it.
Then i looked at the title. Hm.
Interesting. So this is it.
In the first page - Tidak diperjualbelikan.
I flipped through it. And flipped. Paused for a while. Flipped again. And again.
Until the last page:

Kepastian Sebagai orang percaya:

Sebab jika kamu mengaku dengan mulutmu, bahawa Yesus adalah Tuhan, dan percaya dlm hatimu, bahawa Allah telah membangkitkan Dia dari antara orang mati, maka kamu akan diselamatkan. Roma 10:9 (hal 242)

Aku berkata kepadamu: Sesungguhnya barangsiapa mendengar perkataanKu dan percaya kepada Dia yg mengutus Aku, ia mempunyai hidup yg kekal dan tidak turut dihukum, sebab ia sudah pindah dari dlm maut ke dlm hidup. Yohanes 5:24 (hal 145)

My..Isn't that an obvious contradiction?

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Buat Sahabat Tersayang (you know who you are)

Buat sahabat yang ku cintai dan kasihi kerana Allah swt...

Assalamualaikum warahmatullah....

First of all, maaf sebanyak2nya sebab surat ni aku terpaksa tulis untuk tatapanmu sahabat.. Sejujurnya, tiada niat lain titipan ini terhasil, melainkan sbg tanda kasih padamu sahabat, yg sesungguhnya aku kasihi hanya kerana Allah. Moga Allah berkati setiap tulisan ini dan pintu hati kita semua terbuka untuk ambil iktibar mana yang baik daripadanya..

p/s- maaf sebab tarpaksa meng’aku’ dan meng’kau’kan tulisan di bawah, sebab itu adalah ‘kita’...


Sahabat,

Alhamdulillah.. Almost 6 years we knew each other. 6 tahun terbaik dalam hidup, yg pastinya takkan dan sgt mustahil utk dilupakan. Sahabatku, Allah takdirkan kau hadir dlm hidup ini di waktu aku tercari2 makna dan haluan hidup yg sebenar. Kau tunjukkan jalan untuk aku mengenali Allah dan Rasul spt yg dikehendakiNya. Kau bimbing diri yg serba jahil dan ‘tak tahu’ ini untuk menjadi at least ‘nak tahu’. Alhamdulillah... U could never imagine how grateful I am (and we are) to have u in our life, giving us the wonderful colours..Truly!

Tapi kenapa sahabat, sejak akhir2 ini, semakin selalu aku dengar perkhabaran sedih dari dirimu? Pertama2 nya, wajib untuk kau faham bahawa aku bukan sekali2 mengeluh dgn khabar itu! Tidak dan takkan sekali2! In fact, aku bersyukur sebab terpilih untuk jadi tempat kau luahkan masalah.. Walaupun diri ni tak byk membantu, tapi kau pilih juga aku untuk mendengar..jazakillah

Tapi sahabatku, sudah setahun lebih kita di sini- di alam yg baru ini.. Aku tak nafikan, aku juga lemah.. Selalu tercari2 makna takdir yg Allah tentukan.. Alhamdulillah, hasil dorongan family dan sahabat2 yg tak pernah putus jd sumber kekuatan, and of course, belas kasihan dari Allah yg Maha Penyayang..I'm getting better..Segala puji bagi Allah..

Sahabat, bukan ini dirimu yg ku kenal. Jgn pernah berubah sahabat..

Sahabatku yg kukenal sgt kental jiwanya. Rela berdiri dgn gagahnya walaupun hanya dia, asalkan tahu kebenaran itu miliknya! Sahabatku yg ku kenal juga sanggup kekal di situ, walaupun melihat pendirian yg kau perjuangkan, dan perubahan yg kau mahu tidak diendahkan. Kau juga sanggup menetapkan hatimu dan menguatkan perasaanmu walau diuji pelbagai kesulitan.. Itu dirimu yg ku kenal!

Sahabat,

Suatu hari ketika di A&E, seorang makcik dibawa ke rhesus dlm keadaan menangis.. Dia jatuh ketika sedang bekerja di satu pusat membeli belah- ketika sedang membuang sampah. Hati terdetik, makcik setua ini masih bekerja seberat itu?

“ Tak nak operate.. tak nak operate..” Sadis aku mendengarkannya. Tangisannya seperti kanak2 kecil.

Right hip x-ray- intertrochenteric fracture..

Bila aku smpi berita tu padanya, dgn serta merta- “ Makcik da ok! Da sihat.. Tak sakit dah. Boleh jalan dah..” Waktu tu, not even a single movement at her right hip..

Dalam waktu yg sama aku melihat seorang pemuda mengintai2 pintu rhesus dalam keadaan mata yg merah dan muka yg basah dgn air mata.. He requested to see a male doctor, who’s also my friend. Rupa2nya pemuda itu adalah anak patient ku tadi. Dia merayu pada kawan ku utk membeli hensetnya, kerana mereka yg hanya tinggal berdua, menyewa di sebuah bilik kecil, don’t have money even for registration!

Aku terus keluar berjumpa pemuda itu yg masih teresak2 di luar rhesus sambil memeluk beg galasnya..

“ Kenapa sedih sgt ni dik..”

“ Akak.. Saya ada mak saya je kat dunia ni. Esok baru saya nak start keje 1st day.

Tiba2 jadi begini.. saya xde duit langsung kak... mcm mana nak byr duit hospital? Kalau kene bedah, saya takda duit lansung kak..”
Mencurah2 air mata pemuda itu tanpa segan...

Sahabatku,

Lihatlah bagaimana mereka berjuang dgn takdir hidup mereka.. Bagaimana dgn kita sahabat? Tanyalah sesiapa shj, pasti akan kata profesion kita ini mulia if betul pembawakannya. But on top of that, what about us? Tak dinafikan, ramai yg realized diri mereka tak sesuai jadi doctor once start bekerja.. Tapi siapa kita nak melawan takdir sahabatku? Hari ini kita di sini, but who knows di mana kita pd hari esok dan esok.. dan hiduplah to the fullest for today... Redha dan syukur sahabat dgn takdir yg cantik ini.

Sahabat,

Kita harus sedar, semakin byk keluhan, semakin resah dan sempit rasa dada.. If kita keep saying “ I don’t like this and that..” despite of, “ Alhamdulillah, permudahkan Ya Allah..”, selagi tu hari2 kita sukar dan penat sahabat..

Jom sahabat, kita sama2 bangun! Bukankah kita sudah ada impian untuk manage the first female hospital in Malaysia? It still on..so on! So kita kena kuat!
Jadikan mati sebagai ingatan.. hidupkan sisa hari2 kita dalam syukur dan tenang. Jgn sampai Allah jemput kita kembali dlm ketidaksyukuran, dalam kegusaran akan takdirnya, dan dlm kerebahan. Nauzubillah!!

Sahabat dunia akhirat ku..

Sekali lagi, i’m truly sorry sebab cannot put all these in words.. I’m hardly thinking of this decision for long times. And finally, tulisan ni pun terzahir jg sbb I really want u to be happy my dear. To be the real you, who inspired us most of the times! Please turn back!

Paling penting, jgn sesekali ingat aku sudah penat dengar keluhan mu sahabat. Tidak dan takkan sekali2. I’ll be here for you and will always be.. Kan kita dah janji nak bersahabat lagi di syurga? =) Moga Allah melindungimu sahabatku.. Moga kau bahagia dan tenang selalu...
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Juga hadiah buat Rafiq

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Hadiah buat Rafiq

"Dan sesungguhnya akan Kami berikan ujian kepadamu dengan sedikit ketakutan, kelaparan, kekurangan harta, jiwa dan buah-buahan. Dan berikanlah berita gembira kepada orang yang sabar." ..Surah Al-Baqarah Ayat 155

;-) turofikhuki assalaamah Read more!